What if...?

I sit here late at night, bored out of my mind. Then, my mind starts thinkin' about stuff...old and new...

I remember a time when I would be on the phone, or talking to friends, or even hanging out somewhere. Now I sit here thinkin' too much. Gettin' older sucks...

I went outside to enjoy the Houston snow for a good 45 minutes. Took me back to bein a kid. Felt great. Then I come back inside and realize that I'm still 23 years old. Still goin' to school for the ump-teenth year, and still workin' too hard for too little. It can be considered jealousy, but I see it more as envious...when I think about my friends who are fortunate enough to have cushy jobs, while I have to bust ass outside, no matter what the weather is.

Somewhere along the line, I probably could've got a better job. I basically gave up 2 years of my life when my grandfather was real sick. I devoted a lot of time to him at the house. It cost me about 1.5 years of my college education, a few friends and family members, and even a great girlfriend. I don't regret any of it...but there's always that thought...what if I would've went another route?

I'm just hoping all the help I gave my grandfather will somehow pay off in the future. Even after his passing, I do a lot for the rest of the family. It's sad when the older men, my uncles, act as immature as high schoolers. Then it takes a toll on my mom, which really pisses me off. I'm just dreading the day that I have to speak up...because no one is gonna like what I have to say.

I'm just hoping something comes along soon enough. My life has been on a constant cycle for the past two years. Time for something new...